Animals

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.

-- Anonymous

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

-- Steve Bluestone

I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.

-- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show

I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.

-- Jean Cocteau

... I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time.

-- Colette

What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak toys?

-- Douglas Coupland

In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.

-- English Proverb

I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.

-- George Bird Evans

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

-- John Frazee

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

-- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.

-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long

Love to eat them mousies
Mousie's what I love to eat.
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet.

-- B. Kliban

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.

-- Abraham Lincoln

It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."

-- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

-- Groucho Marx

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