Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to
bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men
don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves
caught in a zipper."
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he
could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."