Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes


"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
--Spike Milligan.

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
--Steven Wright.

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and
--Mel Brooks.

"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to
bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
--Henry Youngman.

"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men
don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves
caught in a zipper."
--Emo Philips.

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
--Steven Wright.

"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my
--Freddie Starr.

"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
--Spike Milligan.

"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he
could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
--Eric Morecambe.

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
--Rowan Atkinson.