Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes


My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.
-- Lenny Bruce

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do...."
-- Lenny Bruce

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.
-- Mary Buckley

Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show

The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.
-- Archie Bunker, character on "All in the Family," U.S. television show

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
-- Honore de Balzac

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about "short" and "cheap"?
-- Phyllis Diller

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course.
-- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.
-- Thomas Fuller, 1732