Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes


Steven Wright Lines

  • Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  • OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  • Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  • I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
  • If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
  • Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
  • Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
  • If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.



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