Husbands/Wives

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

-- Sacha Guitry

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

-- Sacha Guitry

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

-- Edgar Watson Howe

Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

-- Oscar Levant, to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.

-- Shirley MacLaine

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

-- Groucho Marx

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an inquest.

-- H. L. Mencken

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

-- Michel de Montaigne

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

-- Ogden Nash

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