Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes
-- Emo Philips
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy
little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something..."
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one
because they're the devil."
"People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first,
piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas..."
"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the
floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
"I'm a great lover, I'll bet."