Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -
everyone hasn't met me yet."
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day
when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to
be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know
who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
-- Paul Merton.
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another
woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
-- Steve Martin.
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
-- Les Dawson.
"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."
-- Steven Wright.
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. NEXT you forget to pull your zipper
up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns.
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
-- Marty Feldman.
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
-- Robin Williams.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
-- George Carlin